I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
