Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
