Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
