I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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