If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
