were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
