so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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