finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
