dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
