I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
