We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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