Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
