in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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