youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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