now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Send help, water and tortillas.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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