is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have aggressive nipples.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
