So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
