DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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