So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
