Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
