she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
nutella sex= disaster
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
