also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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