How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
