break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
