I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
