Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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