i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
