we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
