the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
