I love black thongs
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I supernannyed him into submission
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
