i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
