I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
