He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
