I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
