you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
