Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
