Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry kayrenee2011 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(757): View more from Virginia

apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick

Fav 16 3171 953
share tweet
(925): View more from California

It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.

Fav 44 1601 5731
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(251): View more from Alabama

Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree

Fav 19 6097 1385
share tweet
(817): View more from Texas

They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.

(214): View more from Texas

Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.

(817): View more from Texas

You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.

Fav 35 10989 1771
share tweet
(206): View more from Washington

I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.

Fav 1 2389 957
share tweet
(901): View more from Tennessee

I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.

Fav 10 1262 4177
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year

Fav 2 1376 686
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(916): View more from California

All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.

Fav 1 138 92
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(630): View more from Illinois

You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.

Fav 0 53 8
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT