i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
