I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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