im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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