He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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