when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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