My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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