Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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