he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
