ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
