I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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