Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
