it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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