so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
